Inappropriate
by angelalegna
Summary: It's the day of the wedding between Roy and Riza, but Riza is having second thoughts recalling a conversation she had with Fürer Bradley. Manga Chapter 80


**Inappropriate**

It was inappropriate, it was not the time for this, but all the same it was a matter of now or never. Riza Hawkeye gathered all her courage and knocked on her fiancé's door fifteen minutes before the wedding.

"Over here, Fullmetal. Did you fix everything?" General Mustang asked, his voice distorted by the bathroom's echo pointed Riza to the place in the hotel's huge suite where she could find him. He was in front of the mirror fixing his tie with the meticulous precision that an explosive expert would use to disarm a bomb.

"Riza! Are you ok? What happened?" Roy turned around looking frantically for any kind of injury, a splash over the white dress, a trace on the veil, a hint of blood staining the tip of her high heels, a bruise on the white skin of her shoulders that, just for today, were exposed to everyone's eyes.

"No. Nothing has happened," Riza answered, raising her arms in a defensive gesture. "I mean, I need to talk to you, sir." After a short pause she corrected herself, "Roy." Call him by his first name was like a foreign custom to Riza.

"Did we need to talk before the wedding?" A few minutes ago Roy Mustang had thought he was nervous, now he knew for certain he had not been. With a gesture he indicated Riza to move into the Suite's living room and once there he sat down with her on the couch.

She drew in a deep breath. "You don't have… you don't have to marry me."

Roy couldn't believe what he was hearing. Never in his whole life had he felt so near to accomplishing all his goals and now, a few minutes before one of the most important of his dreams would fit in place everything had simply… "Are you mad with me? Was it something I did or something I said?" Roy was mentally checking each one of his actions since the engagement party and he couldn't find a failure worth the break up that Riza was asking for. Work and working even harder was the only thing he had done in the past few months in order to earn a long honeymoon, but it wasn't as if he had completely forgotten about Riza. She had resigned and been busy with the wedding preparations true, but Roy had helped to find the musicians and had even suggested a pair of songs he knew for certain Riza would enjoy, he had patiently listened to hundred of descriptions of cakes, dishes, cards, flowers and schemes to sit the guests that he had never thought could exist and he had not complained once. His bachelor party had been a Barbacoa with Fullmetal, Al and the office boys. No strippers, no women, no one even got drunk, but all the same suddenly Riza didn't want to marry him.

"No, it's not like that, General. It's just that…"

"Are you in love with someone else?"

"No," Riza answered indignantly. "General, everyone should have the right to choose who they marry. Even Fürer Bradley had that; his whole life was a sham, each detail of it planned ahead by Father, his position, his decisions. In a way, he was a prisoner in his own life. When he said it to me I didn't understand at all I even thought he was mocking me in some way, but now I can see it. He was proud of the only thing he could choose in his life; his wife. Deep down, I believe it was the reason for him to act as he acted then, because he wasn't ready to give up his free will and he had chosen her and…"

Roy felt he had lost track of everything. What the hell did Bradley have to say about anything anymore? Free will… Was the marriage proposal not for that? In Grumman's house, when he knelt in front of everyone he had been sure she had said yes willing. At least of course that… It was it, isn't? It has to be it. It had been his mistake; he had cornered her planning the proposal as a surprise party, but even then… Why did she bother planning a wedding if she didn't want one? The answer to that question was just in front of him in her worried face and expectant eyes, because she didn't want to disappoint him, Riza Hawkeye didn't ever want to disappoint anyone.

Roy was trying to find the precise words that could change her mind when Edward Elric came into the suite, banging the suite's main door noisily. "It's time to stand up at the altar Mustang, Riza is so pretty that bets are on that old horny Mustang is not going to wait for the end of the reception to…" Up until the moment Edward crossed the living room's door, he was unaware that Riza was also in the suite. The thought that old horny Mustang had not even waited for the start of the reception crossed his mind, but the faces and the corporal language of Mustang and Hawkeye told him better.

"I'll be behind that door," Edward said pointing to the living room's door, noticing his mistake, he added, "and behind the other one. Not really behind, behind the door. I'll be outside." He stormed out of the suite almost walking into the living room's door as he left.

Once Edward was out of the suite, Roy got up from the couch, Edward's interruption had given him time to think, to realize that he didn't want to change Riza's mind to something she didn't want to do. Turning his back to her and trying to keep a calm voice he said, "Then everything is over, you didn't want to marry me."

"Everything is over." She repeated, "You make it sound like my not accepting is a whim."

"And isn't it?" Against his will, Roy's voice was bitter and angry.

"General Mustang, what I came here to say is that you don't have to marry me in order to become Amestris' President, I'm sure my grandfather is going to support your campaign despite your personal choices. I'll watch for it in person if needed." Riza had left the couch too.

Roy turned around "Is that how you see me?" he yelled. "As a greedy archaic man, buying the hand of the lady to grant himself a piece of land," there was no doubt Roy was furious.

"I know the promise you gave to my grandfather is not the only reason," Riza said holding his gaze. "I know that you are an honorable man with a golden heart, ready to give his life for this country. That's why I have given my life to protect you. You're also practical. I know you think I'm worth your trust, someone with the minimum qualities to become your wife or you would never have asked, but that's all you see in me; a convenient companion. When you asked me, you said you owe me it after all the things we went through." Riza paused to let her words sink in. "Today I want to say that you own me nothing. Maybe you can't see it but I'm sure that this woman who, by merely looking in her eyes, makes you feel butterflies in your stomach ,whose kisses make your blood boil and your heart beat faster exists and you deserve to find her." Tears were running down Riza's cheeks when she turned towards the exit.

"Riza. Wait," Roy said, holding her arm. She was shaking.

"I'm sorry, I didn't pretend to cry here," she said when Roy turned her around to face him.

"Breathe, that's it," he said his voice calm. "I listened to you and now you are going to offer me the same courtesy. Don't you think that is fair?" He led her to the couch and sat with her giving her the time to calm down. He was holding her hands, maybe to reassure her that he wasn't mad anymore, maybe to reassure himself that she was still with him.

"Let me see if I have it straight. You want to let me be free so I can find another woman and fall in 'love' with her? Is it something like that?"

"I know a rational person like you doesn't really give credit to love, you must see it as a waste of time, if you believe in its existence at all, but, I believe in love, I believe that as much as trust you need passion in a marriage for it to work. It's the only way it doesn't become a chore or a burden." Riza had been holding Roy's hands between her own and had brought them against her breast while she had been talking, but as soon as she was aware of what she had done she let go of them.

Roy sat down on the coffee table in front of Riza, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before he started talking. "Riza, I have been in love. Love is like a flame that comes and goes. Sometimes you only need a little spark to make a huge fire and sometimes all the air can't make it warm. I'm not talking second hand experience when I tell you that falling in love doesn't make you happier, or brighter, falling in love doesn't really help with any burden in a way that you can't do for yourself without the need of being in love.

The first time I fell in love was awful, she was this insecure little brat afraid of losing her father's attention. She spiced my food, hid my things, and kicked my legs under the table. Back then I didn't even understand what was happening to me. Why did she matter so much? Why was I always thinking about her, when I was supposed to be busy learning alchemy? Why did I keep silently swallowing everything she threw at me?

The second time I fell in love, I was a little older. I was already with the military and truth be told my head was full with dreams of power and hugeness. Then I met this young pretty lady at a funeral and she was the one who taught me the meaning of real courage. 'Don't worry about me, Mr Mustang. My father at least made me go to school properly… I think I'll be able to live on my own,' she told me. If I close my eyes I can still see her standing by the grave of her father in her small black suit, so calm, so serene without shedding a single tear. Of course she didn't have a clue about how she was going to live on her own, but I had no doubt, she didn't need me at all. I felt devastated.

The third time I fell in love, she was a murderer, one with more regrets than wishes to live. Ishval had ended and everyone was celebrating; the soldiers were returning home drunk in the trucks. The ones I met waved me goodbye and called me their hero and then in the middle of what had been a camp was this soldier using what was left of their strength to bury an Ishvalan kid. This soldier was actually a woman, you can barely tell under the uniform and this soldier called me a monster and said that monsters like me should never be born again. For the first time I felt really lucky, me and the woman I had fallen for could share the same goal in life.

With the pass of time, there had been other women. There is one who makes a horrendous bitter tea and another one who has a soft spot for dogs, but I think you already have the general idea of my taste in women.

I could have chosen to tell you that I wanted to marry you for the softness of your creamy skin, for the hope of being between your legs. I could disassemble your body piece by piece and I could find in each part something that I wish to caress or call mine. I could have said that I wanted to marry you for your smile that warms my days, for your sight that keeps me on balance, or for your tears that scare me like nothing else. Maybe I could have said I wanted to marry you because you are loyal, hard working, efficient, dedicated. But when I proposed to you I said that it was the least I could offer you after all the things we went through and all the years we have shared together. I wasn't implying that marrying you was a chore. I said it because thanks to all the things we went through, you and me, the good things and the bad things. Thanks to them, what I feel for you could be more than plain lust, what I say to you could be more than the borrowed words of a poet who wanted to praise a pretty woman, and thanks to them, we are so much more than an efficient working team.

I know I could have asked and probably should have asked you to marry me because I had fallen in love with you, but falling for you, falling in love with each one of the Hawkeyes I have met is an everyday occurrence; it's nothing but a simple fact that rules my life. I thought you already knew that.

I don't have any more to say," Roy concluded, standing up. "If you believe in my words… if 'you want to marry me' I'll be at the altar in the hope that the woman I chose, chooses to marry me too. I don't plan to move from there until… until they kick me out. Take all the time you need."

Roy had only taken one step forward, when Riza stopped him by throwing her arms around him and starting to kiss him passionately.

"Is that a yes?" Roy asked, to which the only answer from Riza was a kiss followed by another kiss.

That day, Edward Elric lost more than 5000 Drachmas. Apparently old horny Mustang did not even wait for the start of the reception.

* * *

A/N: A very special thanks to my beta dreximgirl


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